I wonder why, in the current cultural war over “gays” in general and whether they should marry in particular, no one speaks publicly of the issue of choice? Is it a closed issue?

I mean, isn’t the whole gay premise that since being gay is an innate, genetic trait, and since they cannot help being gay, that they should, as any other ethnic group, marry and even raise children? And how many times have we read that homosexuality is like race? It is like someone being black. That’s a horrible analogy but it is what the gays say.

So, let me see if I am getting this. If being gay is like being black, and being gay works itself out in one’s behavior as having sex with someone of the same sex, then how does being black work itself out in the behavior of a black person? Or, to carry this absurdity even further, how about a Chinese person? How does being Chinese work itself out in the behavior of a Chinese person? How does a Chinese person behave? What if the Chinese person is a Chinese-American, born and bred in the U.S.A.? How then would that work? Is it not someone’s behavior and not a state of being that we are talking about?

What I sincerely don’t get is just who says that someone that has sex with a member of the same sex does so as the result of being in the condition of being gay? To put it into the

The Law of Forgiveness - A successful relationship requires forgiveness. The act of forgiving can release both of you from the pain of the offense, and allow the relationship to grow on from there.

The Law of Empathy - Empathy does not mean that you agree with how another person views the world, nor does it mean that you see the world in the same way. Empathy does mean the unique skill of being able to see the world through the eyes of the other person.

The Law of Automatic - The late columnist Sydney Harris said: “Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that they automatically deserve great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes they automatically deserve success in marriage.” I remember thinking that since I have this license that says I’m a marriage and family therapist, I knew how to “do marriage.” Boy, was I wrong.

The Law of Resources - I’ve heard so many of my older clients say some version of this: “I wish we had the same resource available when we got married that are available now.” So don’t take your current resources for granted. Read a book, go to a seminar, listen to a tape, see a marriage therapist. Use your resources.

The Law of Coaching - Great teams have great coaches. Find a coach for your relationship. A coach can be a professional marriage coach, a mentor couple, or a couple you know that has a relationship that you admire.

The Law of